Tuesday, February 07, 2006
todae gt one of de lesson, visual arts, i cried.. i was drawin n tokin tuu andrea. i told her i really sick of entertainin xx liao lorz.. im jus rather sick of helpin her buy things agn n agn with she nt even payin me a single cent, or rather sumtimes there is nt even a thks.. im her ATM or wad..??
really damn sad tat time.. summore, de night b4, i didnt recieve his reply. im damn worried if he is angry with me or sumthing, i didnt mean tuu ignore him agn lorz.. finally, i cnt tak it lerz, my tears flow n drip onto mui artpiece. andrea saw mui artpiece wet n i kept wipin away sumthing on mui face. finally, she found out tat im cryin.. dunno y i so emotional lorz, dunno y i wil cry in class, i tot im a strong gurl..?? bt luckily, tis shameful scene oni gt yihui n andrea saw n koe it.
im really sick of being de always jokin n happy-go-lucky xinhue lerz.. i really wanna change tuu de real me.. de always hurt n cryin me..
todae oso gt ask him if he really mean tuu be with me den ask me for tat de, or ish he scared tat i wil get hurt, so he asked me to be one. n as i expected, ish bcuz he scared tat i wil ignore him again lyk wad i did in de past..
it really makes me feel lyk dyin lorz.. nt bcuz i koe tat he do nt lyk me or sumthing, its bcuz tat i dun understand myself lorz.. y mui life is liddat de..?? y others ppl life can be so sweet, so nice.. mine ish always full of probs, full of unexpected scene..!! really feel lyk jumpin off de buildin n jus die liddat..!! no need tuu face all these stupid things agn..!!
although im feelin damn depressed now, bt de main purpose of me writin tis entry is tuu let de ppl involve in mui story to do sm soul searchin lorz.. i really dun wanna face u all with de real de me, im puttin a strong front ish all bcuz i stil care abt u all.. i dun wanna u all tuu be worried abt me.. pls respect me sumtimes too lorz. nt bcuz im a happy-go-lucky person means u can play arn with me. i can play with u all too, in fact i lyk tuu joke arn with u all too, bt can u juz dun go overboard..??
koe de limit, koe where tuu stop.. im a human bein oso, i hav feelins too.. can u pls respect me sumtimes, although i may be de smallest amg u all, bt tat doesnt mean i no need respect frm u all. in fact, i dun really need u tuu respect me, bt at least treat me as a human bein, dun treat me as ur toy or wadeva.. ur actions juz break mui heart totally, i dun wanna u all tuu see me oni in mui funeral nex time u see me..
